A Perfect Adventure

Saturday was an absolutely perfect day.
These kinds of days are so rare and so blissful, that it's important to me to document, so as to cite it later when they skies are a little grayer.  And so....

I started it off at friend’s place, because of course all great adventures start after a sleepover with your best friend.  From there I got coffee with someone the Universe has placed into my coven — as in I met her by chance and have run into her accidentally a few times since.  Finally we are connecting with out cosmic aid, and it was an hour and a half of pet photos, stories of travels, and comforting each other about frustrations that we thought we were facing alone.

Next up was the Drama Book Shop, where I bought a play for the acting class I’ve been taking — oh right, I’m taking an acting class — and I discovered after years of being a patron of their business, they have a shop dog.  His name is Chester.  So obviously that was ideal.

Then I went somewhere to buy a present for my best friend, which I will not describe as she has yet to receive said present.

Next to a cheap pharmacy for lipstick and lemonade; then etsy to quickly snag yet another mug from the wonderful Allison Fretheim Ceramics (they sell out within minutes of being released), and then I made my way to a doctor.  As always I resent how necessary it is for me to go to one (and by one I mean at least five types on a regular basis with copays of $50 per visit), but I did so, spoke up about some issues I’ve just been enduring, and scheduled two follow ups.  Adulting.

As a reward for said adulting, I headed to a showroom for treats I’ve been eyeing for years.  On the train there, I saw two people signing.  After smiling at them and trying not to seem creepy, I signaled for their attention the way one should towards someone who is deaf, and said “hello I know a little sign and this is making me very happy.”  They brought me into their conversation, and we were happily signing all the way into Brooklyn.  I got off at their stop…needing to head back into Manhattan; but the whimsy, the kismet, and the bliss of communicating with someone in another language made the trip into Brooklyn well worth it.
They also told me about an Sign Language Center that offers classes, which I plan on taking.

In this happy whirlwind, I finally made it to Glossier, the showroom extraordinaire, and bought the gems that had caught my eye.  I then waited way too long in front of what I thought was the bathroom, and actually may have just been a door to a stockroom.

A photographer, a small and sweet young woman, saw me waiting and asked if she could take my photo in a mirror nearby with flowers.  I said sure and so we did an impromptu photoshoot.  It was delightful and flattering.

From there, I went home, got a tad lost, FaceTimed with my best friend as she finally dyed her hair, and then headed to a friend’s place for dinner.

I thrive in this weather; this day of not quite heat, but still a break from the air hurting your face.  I thrive with my friends; the delightful souls who’ve accepted all my weird little quirks and lengthy backstory and let me love them as much as I do.  I thrive on following chance paths that remind me that days like this are possible.

I face a lot physically.  There are days like today where I have to spend $100 on meds to breathe.  Just breathe.  I pay to live.  And so it's incredible when I have a perfect day, a residual of all the work I've put into getting this far, a dividend of the life I've been investing in.  I document it so as to remember, to have something to look back on when the weight of the fight feels too much to bare, so as to remember how lucky I still am.  Every day may not be this kind of adventure, but these days are well worth the wait and the work it takes to get there.

(the beginning of the journey; this one and the next)

Yes, It Was Sunny

I am so in love.
    With a city.

I went back to Philly for the first time in almost a year, and I am so happy. I was there for just for a day and a half, but I feel more alive than I have in awhile.

Monday night I saw eight friends in four hours and got $1 tacos and good beer.  Yesterday was a whirlwind of hugs and love, and I was able to connect with about two dozen people.  Two dozen. 

I forget that I've loved that many people; and with each one, there was still an effortless connection.  Whether that's asking about their growing families, artistic endeavors, or pets...I remembered a piece of everyone's essence, and I realized how beautiful they all are to have shared so much with me.  Plus anyone that picks you up and swings you around when they hug you is a definitely keeper.

Leaving for LA was a bold move, and the realization that I was happier where I had been was one of the most difficult ones I've faced.  So to know that almost two years later my Philly folk still hold so much love for me...it's the closest I've felt to having a family in a long, long time.
And being around those who were my community reminded me of my purpose; to them, to our little world there, and to the bigger one outside.  I know a little more about the person I am going to be.

I absolutely cannot wait to visit again.

(Plus the metallic nails, strawberry-lavender donuts, and perfect weather definitely doesn't hurt.)

Something Good

Loves!!  Yesterday I had a production meeting for a web series I'm going to make with a coworker/friend!  We have a concept that we found literally just in joking around and following through with the idea. 

And follow through is the big word here, because it's easy to talk about ideas, but it only counts when the work actually happens. 

It was a productive meeting, too. I'd written down some ideas for the series as well as which responsibilities we could own.  And my cohort is pretty incredible; he knows how to get things done, and is a great sounding board for workshopping and developing ideas.  He's only ever supportive and full of good intent, so I think this will be a wonderful experience. 

Plus it makes sense. 

I want to be in TV film and so I will have more to show.  This blog allows me to express myself through writing, but I also enjoy filming a story I've created, the magic of editing, and yes, of course, acting in front of a camera. 

I'm starved at this point; since graduating, I've spend these two years traveling to and starting new lives in multiple cities, in search of community, inspiration and love. Not to mention this is the first time since I've been on my own that I haven't had additional support. College was tough, having four jobs while being a full time student, but Financial Aid was always there to help. 

I've been entirely independent. I have a job that supports my health well enough, and does make me happy....but I need more art. 

So stay tuned. 

Creation is coming. 

 

(A BTS photo of our meeting. Rainbow cookies were a must)

Snowballs of Positivity and Love

Now I must say, for as difficult as some of these challenges are, life is pretty spectacular.

At work, I’m on a giant and lovely staff.  It’s strange to think of my former stores, where I knew everyone maybe a little too well.  Now there are about half a dozen that I know well enough to see outside of work, a couple hundred who know my name, and always many more that I’ve yet to get to know.

When I first started here, I decided to take pictures of those that I meet and type their names under them; like digital flashcards to practice.

And maybe it’s the quirkiness of the concept, or the implied effort, or maybe it’s just me, but essentially everyone who’s photo I took says hello each time they see me, and on a daily basis I have more people genuinely asking how I am than I think I’ve encountered in my lifetime.   It’s incredible, especially considering that I’ve been here for just four months.

This week alone, two coworkers overheard me telling different stories, both involving someone who was less than kind to me.  One of the coworkers stopped in his tracks, turned to me, and, with a fierce and protective tone of voice, demanded to know whom it was.  The other coworker, after quietly overhearing the other tale, approached me later, carefully asking what had happened; saying he couldn’t imagine someone being rude to me.  (And for the record, both stories had nothing to do with work.)

Honestly, it’s baffling and assuring.  I don’t see myself as kindly as they see me.  I was raised to be selfish and entitled; I had to teach myself morality, realizing on my own that when you are kind to the world around you, it tends to smile back. Thus my life’s goal became to have a positive impact on the world around me; and it’s still awing that I am on some level achieving that goal.  I still remember who I was before I began to grow into myself, and so it’s hard to believe that I am actually that good, and yet I genuinely do feel loved as a response for loving those around me. 

And how can I not when two coworkers, ones I haven’t yet gotten to know very well, nevertheless care enough to pause their lives to make sure I’m alright.

It’s moments like this that made me believe in humanity and the good we all have inside of us.  I can’t wait to do more with this; especially with the likely difficult times that lie ahead.

some happy humans in Central Park

A Happy Check Point:

Hello my loves.

I’m in a good place today.  I’m hopeful.  I’ve slept enough, it’s not unbearably hot in my apartment yet, and tomorrow is Spencer’s birthday.  (Don’t worry, more on that will come.)

As far as work goes, I love my job.

Yesterday I got to help a crowd of people easily understand ideas so complex that if I told them how complex they were, they’d insist they were too advanced; I’ve found that people’s biggest obstacle in learning is themselves.  So getting past that and helping them learn was incredibly rewarding.  

After that, I spoke to a young guy I swear will change the world.  We discussed how people value the wrong things these days.  Certain sports shoes are popular out here, for instance, and he was saying that people only like them because someone told them too; a blog post, a celebrity, a friend.  That most of the people he knows gets them just to look at, not even to wear, and, again, not because of their own passion.  And he added that he knew two people who were killed for their shoes.

I was speechless at that point.  What can you say when you’re confronted with a society that values shoes more than a human life?  We talked more on what matters to him, and how he cares about originality; someone who follows their own happiness, not what others say they should value.  He was a magnificent soul and I hope the right luck finds him, because he absolutely is a visionary.

And this was someone I’d probably never meet outside of our store. 

Demographically we have little in common, and yet — I want to say spiritually, but by that I don’t mean some greater force guiding us, but rather the yearning that we both feel as humans to make something out of this short time that we have to be alive — and so spiritually we completely understood one another.  Nowhere else would I have been given the time to get to see this stranger so truthfully.

I’m so happy restoring from back up can take a few minutes :P

I also met a law student who was studying for the Bar Exam, and every time she was waiting (for her appointment, for the answers about her computer, etc) I would quiz her on what she was studying.  In that small time, I could see her kindness, and tell that she’s going to be an incredible lawyer.  Not one that entered that field for money, but rather one who prides herself in defending children and victims, who speaks up for those that are voiceless.  She is selfless.

And I also worked with a fellow poet, and got to share with her my new favorite gadget for creating.  She also complimented my look, and in the spirit of honesty and not vanity, I get that a lot at work….and that’s exciting.  I am different and always have been, and it’s great to know that it’s manifesting into something notably confident and distinct.  It gives me hope that when I start acting again, that when I walk into the room, they’ll see that too, and perhaps that’ll give me opportunities that I long for.  She also had that look to her, not my style per se, but something completely different and thus compelling.  It was a wonderful way to end the day.

So I love my job.  I get to connect with strangers, as I enable kindness, growth and art, both within them and myself.

So it’s no wonder then that I don’t want any other role.  That’s why I’m not in Philadelphia right now.  There was one position there that went to someone else, and I don’t want to move there an wait three years for another opening in the role that validates who I am and who I want to be.

So instead I’ve been looking for cities near Philly (so I can still see my love bugs there) but where I can also work this job and towards a career in art.

Have you guessed it yet?

I had an interview this week for a store in New York.

And I almost started crying, it sounded so amazing.  Their trainer team is twice the size of mine, which means the community openly embraces coming in to learn.  And most of what they do (PHOTOGRAPHY WALKS IN CENTRAL PARK) is so unbelievably brilliant and beautiful that I can’t believe it’s real.  They’re ideas you’d entertain for half a daydream, and then realize there’s no way that could work…and yet a someone there it more thought, and found a way to turn those dreams into a reality.

Soooooo clearly I want to be there.  To work in an environment so open to possibilities and growth and change?  That’s my dream.  I’ll hear about what’s next soon and will write more then.  But I’ll say this: it feels like the right path for me.

***

When I was seventeen, I was taunted about wanting to study theatre in college.  An unwanted authority boomed that I’d be “missing the boat to [my] life.”  I skipped the fight and instead wrote my response in one of my notebooks: that “there are enough people in this world and enough things to do, that you might as well do the thing you love.”  I still stand by this.

And I know New York is another city, but my main complaint here is that I can’t get anywhere on my own.  I want to explore, and to run errands, and to feel safe after the sun sets, and to get places without it taking two hours in each direction…and this city is isolating.  You don’t talk to strangers, or make friends in line at coffee shops….and that’s clearly a huge part of who I am.  I want to feed that part of my soul.

And I also love moving.  Not the act of dragging everything I own from place to place, but being somewhere totally new.  Being frustrated with something from your old world and going somewhere where that isn’t a problem.  It solves things, it creates new opportunities, adds new places to explore, and best of all: there are new people to meet.

The store in New York that I’m talking to…has over seven hundred employees.  Just that alone is awing.  Seven hundred people with a common shared experience to talk about….how can I not find at least a dozen new best friends?  Not to mention the millions of others who live in that city.  How could anything feel mundane ever again?  Life wold be extraordinary.  And I’m hoping that dream is another the store turns into a reality.

Here's some of what I've created at work this week:

Today Was Actually a Good Day

I had the day off today.  I got to sleep in for an adequate amount of time, but didn't have to choose between rest and being alive (my body wants to sleep 16 hours a day and that's just not possible to do while also having time to be a human).

I went to get two of my nails fixed (somehow those broke off) and the kind guy at MJNails (go there!) did it for free because I had been there just last week.  And when I in a panic mentioned that I didn't have any cash on me for a tip, he very simply said it's fine and next time.  It seemed he honestly hadn't thought of it, he really was just being giving.

Moving on to other kind souls, I went to a doctor's where I haven't had the time to go recently.  It's a place that does acupuncture, massage and chiro all in the same office, so there are a lot of friendly people who work there, and that's always part of the treat.  It's been about a month since I had the time and energy for an appointment and I'm grateful I did.

After that I headed over to a pet store to get just a single lightbulb for Spencer.....and of course I purchased $35 worth of hermit crab treats.  It only cost me $23, however, because the kind fella to whom I asked sooo many many crab questions and told even more stories - found a way to give me a major discount.  He knew so little of my story, and still decided to help :) He also could tell that I'm a writer (lately everyone can tell I'm an artist and it's very reaffirming) and also...when I was inquiring about the food they feed their hermit crabs and sheepishly asked if I could have a sample to see if Spence likes it....he came out with a big tub of their food and just GAVE IT TO ME.

I'm just in awe.  Good people.  There are good people in the world who want to help make life easier.
This is the world I wanted.
I grew up with an angry woman.  She was mean to everyone but blamed it on everyone else being awful.  I remember the first time I went somewhere alone and how easy it was to have kind interactions when you are kind to everyone.  I decided then that that's who I would be, and that that's the kind of world I want to live in.

And at least for this one day, I lived in that harmonious world.

I also had to take an über back to get home safely, and my driver was a clever and worldly man from Germany, and it was so incredible to talk about Europe and share what I learned from being abroad and hearing a native's opinion on some of my observations.  I miss traveling and different cultures and people so different that I can't even imagine something as simple as their daily routines.....and it was such a treat to end the night with a reminder of how important that is to me and a taste of what I've been missing.

So I would call that a good day.  (....finally)

Grief, Guilt and Gratitude

            Few things feel as futile as having friends get mad at you over text message.

And before I continue, I just want to say that this isn’t a passive aggressive post about anyone in particular; it’s just me discussing something I’ve experienced with many people over the last year.

            I don’t know why I’ve lost so many friendships in the last 365 days. 

            It could be that five years on the east gave me a different energy from the west, making us incompatible.  And then it could be that this year on west coast soiled my east coast aura. 

            Perhaps it’s that I’ve made serious judgements about where I am and where I need to be, and perhaps some friends falsely assume that they are the source of the negative realizations.  

            Maybe I’ve changed into someone meaner than I used to be, unintentionally pushing away those that are trying to help.  Or maybe being sick required more of my friends than they wanted to take on.

            Potentially I’m not clear enough in what I need; or potentially I’m too clear in what I expect.

            It may be that I didn’t give back enough to those that I love; or it may be that I love my friends more than they can handle.

            It’s possible that people expected me to be stronger than I’ve been, or it’s possible that my determination could be seen as stubbornness rather than strength.  

            All I know is that I’m an outsider, who’s ready to move again, trying to be low maintenance, certain of what I need from my friends, prepared to love them unconditionally, and trying to regain my strength after a really rough year.

            And somehow something in that has caused me to lose a lot of those that I love.

            And these texting fights are like trying to have a conversation in the middle of a musical number.  The orchestra is set to play on no matter what happens, the rhymes have been decided, the key has already determined the mood, and I have a strict time constraint in which I must blurt out my responses.  I am not in control, the outcome has already been decided; there is a musical theme introduced at the beginning of the conversation that continues until the finale and the final curtain of our friendship.  I wish instead to take my time, like a chess game consider every possible response, with the lowered stakes of trying to figure out which door on the right is a friend’s bathroom.  But that is not the setting.

            And when the music starts, I don’t know how to win.  Arias of sadness and mistreatment are being belted at me; and at that point, how can I interject?  It’s already their number, their objective is decided, and no attempt at harmony can change what they hear as discordant.

            And so I lose another member of my cast, and have to sing on a little bit louder now.

            I don’t blame people for leaving.  I’ve lost enough in my life, and gained enough too, to know that the resentment only drains me in the end.  I know that my life is more complex than most, that my stories can seem to overshadow others’ hardship, and that anyone in my life, no matter how much I love them, can leave indefinitely.  I don’t have a blood family, but I’ve borrowed people’s parents, always knowing that they weren’t fully mine yet loving them fully; and then I’ve gone years without speaking to them.  And to be upset would somehow imply that they did more harm than good.  But I am grateful for the love that has been shown to me, I have never for a moment taken that for granted.  

            Even when I feel alone, that doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped caring for the moments that other’s were there.  It’s like a social appetite.  Even if I had a big breakfast, I can still be hungry for dinner.  And that doesn’t mean that I didn’t appreciate breakfast, nor would’ve been better off without it.  It just means that I need little more.  And since my appetite can be bigger than those that have a consistent family to lean upon, sometimes I might go hungry.

            It’s a solitude that I have embraced.  It was the price of my freedom when I emancipated myself from an abusive relationship six years ago; a decision I haven’t regretted for a single second.

            I’ve made peace with who I am; with my different personality, different outlook on life, different obstacles and different circumstances.

            It’s only when I lose someone that I question who I’ve become.  In the realm of social appetite, it’s like turning allergic to a favorite food.  “What happened?  Was it something I did?  Could it have been avoided?” I ask, and yet once that allergy has been detected, it’s too late and that friend almost never comes back.

            I’m very susceptible to what my friends say about me.  The opinions of people that I don’t like me float away, but when a loved one sees me in such a negatively light?  I no longer believe in who I thought I was.

            I never deliberately try to lose anyone.  So it can feel unfair, that they don’t  understand, like I don’t deserve the words they are firing at me.  But I grew up without being allowed to have opinions.  So I turn to my friends and ask if it really is my fault.  Only then do I trust that there isn’t a fatal flaw within me that poisons every one of my relationships.  And yes, there is a part of me that is terrified at what I would do when that last friend leaves; to whom I would ask “was this really my fault?”

            But this is not my reality.  This when I remind myself of those that still love me.  That though I’ve cried at yet another end-ship aria, my stomach pained with guilt and social starvation, that still there are those that love me.  And yes, maybe their song will one day come, but they love and know me now, and there’s no need to mourn what is still alive.

            So though it hurts to lose those that I’ve loved and I’ll never not miss them being in my life, that doesn’t mean that I have to starve myself from upbeat friendships that I have left. 

Some Changes from the Past Week

Hello lovely readers,

So I've been a bit quiet the last week and I'll walk you through why.

First of all I have been surrounded so constantly by such magnificent loves that I've seldom had time to reflect, and honestly no need to. I've been happy and I know exactly why: I'm back where I belong and where I need to be. 

And thus the second reason for my silence: now that I know what I want.....what do I do next?  How do get on that plane to a city where I've only ever struggled?  Especially now that I know that it's contributing to my sadness, which often materializes in physical pain...

Someone asked me in my dream scenario, what would I do next, and the honest answer is to not leave.... To become a little stray cat traveling around Philly until I find myself a home. 

But I have to go back. I have a lease to break, things to pack, a belovéd mattress and books to somehow transport.... But as a best friend said, I shouldn't let that be the reason not to do what I want. 

As far as art goes, I have a vlog in the works and am going to be making my own work as it is....might as well be surrounded by loves as I do so. This isn't the end of my art, it's just migrating to a more fruitful location. And I visited New York again and to the idea of moving there instead, I will Monty Python style laugh in your face...no no. Not for me. 

I like being in a city, but one that's a little more centrally located, and I also have more of a family in Philly. When I went to tea with one of my friends I happily exclaimed that they brought two pens with our checks as I hate when they only bring one; I then dropped my pen. 

I realized that I was only complaining about the scarcity of pens because I've been going out so often with friends, something I rarely got to do on LA. I don't like working so hard not to be alone, and no doubt the walkability makes meeting up all the easier. Plus people on this coast are used to grabbing a drink after work together, or catching up during lunch, and that's exactly what I want. 

And so I sit warmly in my silence. Knowing WHAT I want, and now working on the HOW. 

Happiness Quest 2016

Quests in video games (yes girls play, too) are like divine intervention by the game's creators.  They need you to accomplish something in order to further the plot and the story of your character. Usually you have some sort of glowy oracle who guides you, helping you to unlock your characters future. 

I have been stuck on the same level for a long time. Maybe the goal of my game is to be healthy and have a home and a family, for it seems that no matter how hard I try, there's always a bigger boss that crushes me, sending me back into the hospital or on a housing hunt, and making my precious actions seem worthless. 

Sure, I've collected a few coins along the way. Gained a heart then had it broken. Found some shiny stones to hold onto for good luck, but I'm nevertheless feeling stuck. 

And this level, this west coast sunny side search for a career and happiness - I have failed. Or maybe it has failed me. Nevertheless I am unhappy and feeling too overwrought to continue upon this path. 

So I'm returning to my previous level, my Philadelphia one, because that level rocked. I flew in that world, surrounded but helpful trees and wonderful spirits. I was happy there. I beat that level with flying electromagnetic colors. 

And so I want to learn why. Why that level was so amazing, what did I do different then, and whether I can bring those skills to my current level. 

And maybe I can't. Maybe I'll move back to level Philly until I'm strong enough to progress, or maybe I need to explore somewhere new on my map. Unfortunately I have no oracle, just a burning desire to travel, explore and learn, and so I'm following that passion to learn more about the world, myself and where I need to be. 

And thus begins: my Happiness Quest. 

Headed Towards Happiness

          So I’m finally, finally back at work!  And I’m so happy.  Making money means I’ll be able to ask for less from those around me.

          In the last four months, I’ve relied on others more than I have in my entire life.  A new friend recently asked if I’m looking for a knight to come into my life to slay all of my problems; and I immediately responded that I can conquer them all on my own.

          I may have been physically weak the last few months, needing a shoulder to help me up a flight of stairs, or friends to help me to doctor appointments or grocery stores, but I never stopped being me.  The me that remembers stepping on a bus and leaving my abusive environment without knowing where to sleep the next night.  The me that traveled to a different country without knowing the language or a single person there.  The me that worked four jobs while being a full-time student at a prestigious university.  So yes, I had a partner before, but I never relied on him to fight my demons on my behalf.  

          I’m grateful, of course, for those that have helped me and given me strength, but I would have needed a hell of a lot more if I expected someone to do my healing for me.  I have fought fiercely and tenaciously every day, to get out of bed and move forward with my life.  Once you decide that you are sick, it exponentially affects the time you need to heal.  I have been sick, hospitalized, fatigued beyond imagination, even in agony from pain: but I never let my disease win.  My mantra in my adult life has been not to let my circumstances limit me.    Yes, the can change the quality of the road ahead; while some may have a smoothly paved path, I have potholes and, well, basically rocks being chucked at me as I move ahead, but I’m always moving forward.  Always.

          And now that I am back at work, I’ll be able to move forward at faster pace.  Plus I’m very close to healing not needing to be my first priority.  Instead, I am really interested in learning to be as happy as possible with this path that I am on; potholes and rocks included.  I’ll keep you posted on how I learn to create the happier days ahead.

           I’m still going to need people in my life, but only to love, not for favors.  I am in control again.

(a photo from a happier day, reminding me of the ones ahead)

I Am In Awe

I woke up this morning in awe.

First for good humans.  I started a GoFundMe yesterday (finally acknowledging that I need help with everything that I am facing), and it hasn’t even been 24 hours and I’m almost a third of the way to my goal.  And this is you!  You beautiful and kind souls that are reading my words, caring about my stories and my smiles.  I can’t stop crying happy tears that you are in my life.

I’ve spent so much of my adulthood trying to prove myself as a good human: one that gives more to the world than I take….and for this much kindness to be sent to me, both towards the campaign, but also very much in your words of courage and support….it means I’m doing it.  

Your love means I can be proud of who I have become: because to receive this much warmth…I must be doing something right.  

And I really do love you all so very much.  There have been times when the word “family” made me sad-cry; as if it were a word a language that I wasn’t allowed speak.  Like I was an outsider to the concept of a family, and that I never would achieve actually having one.  

But now, especially after my last hospitalization, with everyone who read my story and reached out and sent their love….when I hear the word “family,” I now think of all of you.  

And so I cry cathartic tears of fulfillment and gratitude, in spite of the hardship that I face.

So thank you for that validation, your love, and granting me the courage to continue.

As for awe number two:

I am exactly where I need to be.  I moved to this city to pursue TV & film, and ultimately my goal of using art to give people hope in being alive.  I have a weird history with this city (one that would require a much longer post), but my mantra has always been not to let my circumstances limit me.  So I came here for a fresh start.  It’s been a crazy start, but in the hospital I got to see the sunrise each morning, and saw it as an opportunity each day to heal and grow closer towards my dreams. 

So when I saw the sunrise this morning, far, far from that tiny hospital window, I saw it as an even greater beginning; one as vast as the pink sky itself.  As if my new life were greeting me today with arms full of love and opportunity.

So my friends, my loves, my family.  I am here.  Full of gratitude for you and where I am today.

And I am SO happy to be alive.  So stay tuned, because I think we’re in for a great ride.

my reaction to the GoFundMe:

and today's sunrise

A Glance Through the Window into My World

Renewed Hope in Humanity