Hello my loves.
I’m in a good place today. I’m hopeful. I’ve slept enough, it’s not unbearably hot in my apartment yet, and tomorrow is Spencer’s birthday. (Don’t worry, more on that will come.)
As far as work goes, I love my job.
Yesterday I got to help a crowd of people easily understand ideas so complex that if I told them how complex they were, they’d insist they were too advanced; I’ve found that people’s biggest obstacle in learning is themselves. So getting past that and helping them learn was incredibly rewarding.
After that, I spoke to a young guy I swear will change the world. We discussed how people value the wrong things these days. Certain sports shoes are popular out here, for instance, and he was saying that people only like them because someone told them too; a blog post, a celebrity, a friend. That most of the people he knows gets them just to look at, not even to wear, and, again, not because of their own passion. And he added that he knew two people who were killed for their shoes.
I was speechless at that point. What can you say when you’re confronted with a society that values shoes more than a human life? We talked more on what matters to him, and how he cares about originality; someone who follows their own happiness, not what others say they should value. He was a magnificent soul and I hope the right luck finds him, because he absolutely is a visionary.
And this was someone I’d probably never meet outside of our store.
Demographically we have little in common, and yet — I want to say spiritually, but by that I don’t mean some greater force guiding us, but rather the yearning that we both feel as humans to make something out of this short time that we have to be alive — and so spiritually we completely understood one another. Nowhere else would I have been given the time to get to see this stranger so truthfully.
I’m so happy restoring from back up can take a few minutes :P
I also met a law student who was studying for the Bar Exam, and every time she was waiting (for her appointment, for the answers about her computer, etc) I would quiz her on what she was studying. In that small time, I could see her kindness, and tell that she’s going to be an incredible lawyer. Not one that entered that field for money, but rather one who prides herself in defending children and victims, who speaks up for those that are voiceless. She is selfless.
And I also worked with a fellow poet, and got to share with her my new favorite gadget for creating. She also complimented my look, and in the spirit of honesty and not vanity, I get that a lot at work….and that’s exciting. I am different and always have been, and it’s great to know that it’s manifesting into something notably confident and distinct. It gives me hope that when I start acting again, that when I walk into the room, they’ll see that too, and perhaps that’ll give me opportunities that I long for. She also had that look to her, not my style per se, but something completely different and thus compelling. It was a wonderful way to end the day.
So I love my job. I get to connect with strangers, as I enable kindness, growth and art, both within them and myself.
So it’s no wonder then that I don’t want any other role. That’s why I’m not in Philadelphia right now. There was one position there that went to someone else, and I don’t want to move there an wait three years for another opening in the role that validates who I am and who I want to be.
So instead I’ve been looking for cities near Philly (so I can still see my love bugs there) but where I can also work this job and towards a career in art.
Have you guessed it yet?
I had an interview this week for a store in New York.
And I almost started crying, it sounded so amazing. Their trainer team is twice the size of mine, which means the community openly embraces coming in to learn. And most of what they do (PHOTOGRAPHY WALKS IN CENTRAL PARK) is so unbelievably brilliant and beautiful that I can’t believe it’s real. They’re ideas you’d entertain for half a daydream, and then realize there’s no way that could work…and yet a someone there it more thought, and found a way to turn those dreams into a reality.
Soooooo clearly I want to be there. To work in an environment so open to possibilities and growth and change? That’s my dream. I’ll hear about what’s next soon and will write more then. But I’ll say this: it feels like the right path for me.
***
When I was seventeen, I was taunted about wanting to study theatre in college. An unwanted authority boomed that I’d be “missing the boat to [my] life.” I skipped the fight and instead wrote my response in one of my notebooks: that “there are enough people in this world and enough things to do, that you might as well do the thing you love.” I still stand by this.
And I know New York is another city, but my main complaint here is that I can’t get anywhere on my own. I want to explore, and to run errands, and to feel safe after the sun sets, and to get places without it taking two hours in each direction…and this city is isolating. You don’t talk to strangers, or make friends in line at coffee shops….and that’s clearly a huge part of who I am. I want to feed that part of my soul.
And I also love moving. Not the act of dragging everything I own from place to place, but being somewhere totally new. Being frustrated with something from your old world and going somewhere where that isn’t a problem. It solves things, it creates new opportunities, adds new places to explore, and best of all: there are new people to meet.
The store in New York that I’m talking to…has over seven hundred employees. Just that alone is awing. Seven hundred people with a common shared experience to talk about….how can I not find at least a dozen new best friends? Not to mention the millions of others who live in that city. How could anything feel mundane ever again? Life wold be extraordinary. And I’m hoping that dream is another the store turns into a reality.
Here's some of what I've created at work this week:
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