Headed Towards Happiness

          So I’m finally, finally back at work!  And I’m so happy.  Making money means I’ll be able to ask for less from those around me.

          In the last four months, I’ve relied on others more than I have in my entire life.  A new friend recently asked if I’m looking for a knight to come into my life to slay all of my problems; and I immediately responded that I can conquer them all on my own.

          I may have been physically weak the last few months, needing a shoulder to help me up a flight of stairs, or friends to help me to doctor appointments or grocery stores, but I never stopped being me.  The me that remembers stepping on a bus and leaving my abusive environment without knowing where to sleep the next night.  The me that traveled to a different country without knowing the language or a single person there.  The me that worked four jobs while being a full-time student at a prestigious university.  So yes, I had a partner before, but I never relied on him to fight my demons on my behalf.  

          I’m grateful, of course, for those that have helped me and given me strength, but I would have needed a hell of a lot more if I expected someone to do my healing for me.  I have fought fiercely and tenaciously every day, to get out of bed and move forward with my life.  Once you decide that you are sick, it exponentially affects the time you need to heal.  I have been sick, hospitalized, fatigued beyond imagination, even in agony from pain: but I never let my disease win.  My mantra in my adult life has been not to let my circumstances limit me.    Yes, the can change the quality of the road ahead; while some may have a smoothly paved path, I have potholes and, well, basically rocks being chucked at me as I move ahead, but I’m always moving forward.  Always.

          And now that I am back at work, I’ll be able to move forward at faster pace.  Plus I’m very close to healing not needing to be my first priority.  Instead, I am really interested in learning to be as happy as possible with this path that I am on; potholes and rocks included.  I’ll keep you posted on how I learn to create the happier days ahead.

           I’m still going to need people in my life, but only to love, not for favors.  I am in control again.

(a photo from a happier day, reminding me of the ones ahead)