Becoming a Wine Snob : Attempt #1

Step one:

Shamelessly Google search "the best cheap wines" while in the grocery store aisle. 

Step two:

Make an informed decision aka choose the one with the prettiest label; purchase and take home. 

Step three:

Admire all the which-its and who-zits on your wine opener.  

(If you don't have one, your best bet really is pushing the cork into the bottle, but also go home; you're drunk.  This is for becoming a wine snob.  Stick to cheap liquor little drunkie.)

Step 4:

Attempt to open bottle, taking a moment to feel grateful that no one is watching.  Feel free to use your feet and make grunting sounds. 

Step 5:

Feel embarrassingly satisfied when getting bottle open.  Smell the cork. 

Step 6:

Pour a smaller glass than usual (because snobs don't get drunk, only buzzed) and be sure to relish the glugging sound. 

Step 7:

Swirl wine in glass and sniff. Mutter something about its legs and body and...neck and then take a tiny baby sip. Grunt in approval and then take  a regular sip/gulp.

Step 8: 

Continue making up stuff about the wine's body parts. Also at in flavor "notes," trying to use adjectives that would describe a flamboyant fairy. 

Enjoy your evening as a snob in training!