The Secret to Happiness

Only You Can Make You Happy:

A few of you have spoken to me about my positivity through the past few months, and I'd like to address that in more detail. 

This is one of my favorite things that I've learned: how to find my own happiness. 

And the secret?  

Your happiness lives in you. 

It doesn't belong to anyone else, and so it's not contingent upon anyone else.  Other people may help you get in touch with that happiness, but that's only one way to find it. Think about a happy memory with someone you love or have loved. Recall the specifics about where you were, what you were doing -- and what in that moment made you happy.  For instance, one of my best friends and I used to go for cookies together whenever we were stressed. We're currently not in a position to go for cookies anymore, but if I break down what it was that made those memories so wonderful, it was a) treating myself to something when I'm stressed, b) being with someone I love when I'm stressed, and c) being able to help someone I love get through a difficult moment....and maybe d) cookies. 

As you notice, those all of those components of my happiness don't rely specifically on that friend. Yes, ideally I'd want to be with that best friend in those stressful moments, but when that's not possible - I am fully capable of finding that happiness on my own. When I'm stressed, I can still treat myself to something special or spend time with someone else that I love.  And if I want to be there for a friend, I have many others whom I can contact, catch up with, and send love to.  And I can always go get my own cookies. 

So even though I miss our cookie dates, I don't have to wait for that best friend, nor wish to go back in time, to find my own happiness. 

And I know it's hard to let go of wanting to only be there with a specific person; but if you've done all you can and that person still isn't there for you, then you can't pretend that they took your happiness with them. It lives in you.  You always have access to it.  And it is always in your control whether you let pain ruin your day, or if you can allow yourself to feel strong and happy in spite of it. 

This is one little trick I've learned, and it's made a big difference in my life. Things aren't always going to be easy, that's not in your control, but how you respond to that hardship absolutely is.