Exposition

Things have been hard. I'm trying to move forward but I feel so stuck. Both geographically and emotionally.  I thought I was better than this; I don't feel like people are seeing who I want to be. I feel flawed.  I can't hold onto those I love, and on some level it's because of me. It's started to infect work and I have maybe 90% praise and 10% who think the exact opposite of those 90. I've been called rude and fast and impatient and too intense.... Whereas others I didn't even work with observe my patience and comment upon it. It's just hard to be attacked when I'm just trying to help. It hurts. And I don't feel like I have a community to turn to. There are some wonderful friends, but I'm afraid to lean on them. 

I want to move and to start over. I'm proud of who I am. And it hurts when that's so drastically misunderstood.  And I miss feeling like I have a team cheering me on.  The 10% is always louder. 

It's hard. I seems that I have to change somehow but I'm also proud of who I've become. I don't want to have to choose. And I miss coming home to someone who only sees the person I want to be.