My goodness today is rough. It's my second week of working six days in a row and today's my last day before having a day off. And I wouldn't care about working this many days if it didn't make me feel like crap as a result. I'm moody, in pain, and sweating and shivering. I wish I could work while shrouded in a blanket. It's summer in the dessert and I almost just bought a cheap sweater....only opting not to because I almost had a panic attack about spending money when I have sweaters at home. Never mind that I'm shivering. I'm also trying to eat foods that are recommended when you have the flu...except again in stressing over money which is the sole reason I haven't gone home.
I think the most frustrating part of my health is that it never actually gets better. It's just little periods of not being totally agonizing until it becomes horrible again. I'm better than I was four months ago, but give it another year or two and more than likely I'll be back in the hospital and there's nothing that I can do about it. And everything else is just shitty. My apartment doesn't have a window that opens let alone air conditioning, so even if I went home, I would still be sweating and shivering. I can barely afford to live as it is, let alone to live somewhere nice or to work fewer hours.
This is just what it is. I'm poor and have a ton of autoimmune diseases and my body isn't gonna regenerate at any point so realistically, it's only going to get worse.
....I can't wait to be home. At least when I sleep I get to dream.
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