Season 2

I was watching Parks and Rec when another person left my life for being “too high maintenance” and “too much work.”

But you know what? So is Leslie Knope.  And like me, a lot of her “extra work” comes from her boundless unconditional love.

And my favorite part of the show?  She is cherished.  She has a best friend who absolutely loves her and meets a man who instantly is captivated by what makes her so unlike anyone else.  

It gives me hope that I, even with everything that makes me “extra,” can one day be happy and loved.

Yes, there are some parts of my life that are difficult, but just as I didn’t choose them,  I don’t have the choice to let them go.  I don’t want to have diseases that send me to the hospital and then stumbling for a year to get back on my feet.  I didn’t choose to be abused and left without a family, thus relying more heavily on friendships than what is common.  Nor was it an option, in the wake of all of this, to become more sensitive than most.  But these things are just a few parts of me.

And as I watched the characters change on this show, I realized this is just my life right now.  I’ve lost more people since my flare last November than I’ve lost in my entire life.  So this isn’t me forever, just as it wasn’t me before: it’s just part of where I am now.

And I can’t blame myself for something I didn’t choose, nor for its consequences.

One of which, is becoming more sensitive to being stood up.  When you haven’t seen another human in over a week and the only thing I have to look forward to is an upcoming lunch plan, being canceled on it’s obviously going to hurt a hell of a lot more than normal.  And I get that life happens, but my rule has been to just try to understand where I’m coming from.  I know it’s not a big deal to them, but if they can at least try to understand why it hurts me, then I feel like I’m being respected and loved.  That’s my rule.

In the episode I was watching, Leslie is confronted with her former best friend.  There’s still tension and loss coming from Leslie, but we know she’s worth more than the stuck up insensitive Eagletonian before her.  And we get to watch her transition from someone trying to be happy after losing people she loved. to someone who truly finds her family.

Hopefully this is you tuning-in to my transition.