Train Day Three

I've met some new people and had more time to think. I suppose this say began during my layover in Chicago, which actually felt super quick for six hours.

I was able to see a wonderful friend and also make the important discovery that I am moving to the right city. I had considered moving to Chicago, and yesterday I realized that I likely would've lent too heavily on that friendship, whereas in New York I am more likely to explore and meet new friends. 

It's like going to a resultant and trying a dish so good, it instantly is your favorite. And every time you come back, you say you're going to order something else...but that one is too good so you never order anything else. And this chapter for me is about discovering what else is on life's menu.  Learning what I love but don't already know.

So it was validation that I am making the right choices. 

As far as the train goes, I had a few great thoughts: I met a guy visiting from Japan, that has been on both of my trains: LA to Chicago, and Chicago to New York. He was in LA for three days and will be in New York for three....and that's actually the same amount of time he's spending on the train. 

I immediately asked why wouldn't he fly to get more time in the cities.  He simply pointed to the window, out of which green swirls of nature tickled our eyes. He said he was here to travel the country. 

It was a literal example of focusing on the journey, not the destination. I also loved they the whirling countryside means as much to him as a big tourist attraction. I feel the same way and that bond I think is another universality between trains folk. 

I met another guy who connected to nature, who couldn't help but gasp at every epic glimpse of landscape and smile at every bridge.  He is in the military and is absolutely different from the guys in Rotchford I met in my college dorm hallways.  They have the same stoicism but what feeds his soul is totally unique to other service men and women I have met.  All of the stories he told were about art, travel and connecting with others. 

About  "finding your freedom."

And that's an appropriate word as I voyage through this country.  Strangely it's a word I don't know that I understood until today. 

In grade school, I mostly associated it with standing up for the pledge during school assemblies.

And now...with the longing for having money and thus choice.

Which is of course ironic, because it is FREEdom.  It's already ours, it's not something we have to purchase or indulge in....but, we do have to define it for ourselves. 

For my train friend from Japan, it was seeing an entire country in a week and two days.

For my military friend it's adventuring in search of others whose souls rhyme with his.

And for me?

I think that's what I'm learning.

And even if I don't yet know my freedom, it's still here. I still have it. Like a wrapped present that I'll one day open and understand. 

And in the meantime?  I will enjoy meeting others on this unique experience, and learning from those that have found their bliss. 

Train Day Two

It may be day 3...?  The days are blurring together. I left on a Thursday and it's currently Saturday, but it's also the second 24 hour period, and I have one more before I'm in New York. 

I'm definitely groggier. 

I've been yelled at by a passenger and two conductors for trying to sleep......which is ridiculous because a) my health and b) what else is there to do on the train...?  Not to mention Train Friends number Two and Four and I have all been asleep at some time in the last day and no one complained then. 

All but one of the employees is in a pissy mood it seems. Ahh well.  Soon I will have a room to sleep in and no one there to angrily poke at me to wake up...

The sights are still beautiful, though it's definitely been nothing but cornfields for the last 12 hours.  My little group with Friends Two and Four is going to split up once we're in Chicago. We've been together since LA, so it'll definitely be a different voyage without them.  I think it's incredibly serendipitous that we all met on the same train, all leaving LA on the same day, same time, to start our lives somewhere else. 

It's been very comforting to have friends facing the same excitement and nerves. 

Then again, everyone on here sort it seems like they're running from something.  Either temporarily from the mundane of their everyday, or permanently running from houses that weren't homes. 

Awhile back I realized that no matter how diversely incomparable every individual is and how different work can be....the feeling of work being "uuugh work" makes sense to all of us.  Thus the need to spend our days doing something that feeds our souls is a universal human emotion.

And after being on this train....perhaps the fearlessness in trading malcontent for the new and unknown, is unanimous within us as well. 

Anyway, those are today's thoughts. Spencer is loving the trip and doesn't seem to mind the downsize of his train home, and I have little pocket warmers keeping him warm enough at night. That, and I spoon his picnic basket as I sleep. What can I say, I love this little bug. And without him, I wouldn't be on this voyage today. 

I am excited for the unknown ahead, and for the train epiphanies of tomorrow. 

(Above: friends two and four respectively)

It Has Been A Year

     A year ago was the day Spencer and I started our voyage across the country!

I'm still so grateful that my wonderful friend came to see me off, and imortalized that moment with a photo of me with my hopes and dreams stuffed into a very heavy backpack, and picnic basket with Spencer inside.

          It's always sort of jarring to be able to look back at who you used to be. I've lost half of the items in this photo, but also gained a lot of perspective.  This has been a tough year.  To be completely honest (as I have always been on this blog) one of the hardest things was coping with regret.  Wondering how much happier I could’ve been if I hadn’t moved.

          The hospital was when my perspective really changed.  Starting then, I’ve lost an average of one person a week.  Best friends, the closest I have to family, who knew how much I loved and valued them, and with this year’s challenges knew how much I needed them, deciding they could no longer do it.  And I don’t blame them.  My life is tough; some days I feel like I’d opt out if I could.

And in these hard thoughts, I’ve considered, what if I hadn’t gotten sick?  Or if I hadn’t moved? Would I still have those people in my life?  Are the people that I have left only still here because they weren’t in the same city to be challenged as my friends here were?  Am I doomed never to have people consistently in my life?  How much of this could’ve been avoided if I had stayed in Philadelphia?

          But you know what?  When I went back to Philly I found those same friends and some new ones happily waiting to hug me after almost a year apart.  I used to think no one would be in my life for longer than a year, and my friends vanquished that fear.

          And just like I’ve lost half of what was in that photo a year ago; I’ve gained a lot too.  A year ago I thought dreams were more important than reality.  Now I’ll never gamble my current happiness for something that I hope is better.  A year ago I thought I had to be in LA to do TV-Film; now I know that art is who I am.  No matter where I am I will be creating.  And after a year of mostly trying to survive, I know that I’d rather go where survival is easier and to the friends who won’t let me feel lonely.  A year ago I thought that love could conquer all.  Now I know it’s a little baby that you have to nourish and care for and protect.  A year ago I left a city thinking that life outside college would always be that great; now I know it was that city that made life so magical.  A year ago I left behind friends that I knew I would miss; now I know that they are my family.  A year ago I was lost and now know where home is.  

          So I can’t regret this year.  It’s helped me learn to really invest in that and those that I love; and that being where you are happy is more important that going to where you think you “should be.”  As far as health goes?  This year was rough; and now I know that no matter how invincible I think I am, that hospitals are always a possibility.  So I want to spend investing in what makes me happy and what will help me pull through when things get rough.

Now that it’s been a year, I’m ready for the next adventure. 

"1000 Words" for 1000 Miles