Way too long

Hello my loves.

I have drafted about half a dozen entries that never felt up to snuff to post.
Let's talk mental health.  Things have been hard.  Sure, work and home things have had a few toxic triggers, but honestly overall, things have been good.

My health is decent, and despite wishing I could give up on this endless battle, I am taking care of myself and my needs.  I'm acting, auditioning, filming, drawing, gallery-ing, and making.  I'm doing what I wanted to be doing from the day I graduated, with an elevated day job that pays the bills and lets me save, and offers health insurance.

I'm doing it...and yet things feel like burdens.  Me, doing life... Things have been hard.  For reasons I can't pin down; which is mental health.  Same way that a hurt back can affect your mood no matter how great your life is going, mental health can be just as debilitating.

The other day I made an error, no more details needed than that.  But after a half an hour I realized in the back of my head was the soundtrack of not being good enough, of being a terrible person, and a weight on every group I've ever been a part of.  This is the song of anxiety, the melody of depressions.  And I was awed how one simple mistake could cause a symphony of agony.

I always find it liberating to catch when I'm being puppeted by something physiological.  It keeps me from hurting myself more for hurting in the first place.  At that point, all I can do is breathe, remind myself that I am safe and loved, and rest until the next day.

Tomorrow is a new day.  And I'm back.