Hope Falling Like Snow

My goal in life is to make art that gives people hope in being alive.  
And for myself, all I want is to be able to love and keep those that I’ve chosen as my family.

It’s been a hard season.  For one, just it’s been a challenge adjusting to a new job.  I meet my friends at work, that’s how I’ve always done it, and at my old job, a store of 800 people, I easily found at least half a dozen best friends.  I now work with a fourteenth of that.  So far I have colleagues, not besties.  I’m growing up and my job is growing with me; but I miss being able to shout and dance my work days away with those that hold my heart.

Also, the damn holidays.  I left an abusive "family" when I was 18 and standby that decision and every choice I’ve made since.  I am strong and accomplished and brave in the face of way too much, but this time of year societally pressures me into feeling like my life isn’t enough.  I stupidly got excited for Thanksgiving this year, only to have my plans cancel on me just three days before.  I blamed myself for trusting, and questioned loving all together -- which unarguably is the key component of who I am.  I lost my words.  I tried to write and couldn’t; which for me feels like waking up without a limb.  Even this is taking more effort than I would care to admit.

So here we are at this post, and it’s time for my sprinkling of hope in this tale: this weekend I got to see my people.  I went with my best friend back to my old store, and instead of awkward tensions I was found lots of hugs.  Instead of stresses I was overwhelmed with friendship.  It was everything I needed: a reminder of the lives I’ve touched.  I remembered what it’s like to matter, and to revisit a community and to not be forgotten is the ultimate proof that my day to day brought about some good.

After this informal reunion I got tea and went to an art gallery.  I saw old friends, made new ones, left knowing everyone.  That is my happy place.  Hugs, art, tea and getting to love.  It recharged me.  Hopefully enough to once again write, once again create, once again love and be who I am.

Above: my always plus one, at my side through all of this holiday nonsense (which ironically her favorite time of the year) and with me in all the friendship and art.