You know when you have a cup of coffee and you drop it and half of it spills over, but it’s still okay for the most part and you can salvage enough of it to still get by?
That is my life right now.
I need a new day to day. Mine is draining me and exploiting my health to make it easier on those who don’t understand. It’s a system truly made by the healthy and governed by the privileged; and as much as I’d love to quit everything and audition or travel the world, I’m worried about leaving the state if I were to go back on Medicaid…should I be lucky enough to get back in. So for now I’m still stuck in this doldrum, dreaming of a different existence.
I’ve been afraid recently, realizing that I am getting older and a lot of my potential energy has been used. I’ll never be an astronaut, or a lawyer or a pilot or in Cirque de Soleil. I don’t have the time for the training it’d take to accomplish those things, but also not the will. I know what want. To make art that gives people hope in being alive.
I want to act and write for a living, and instead I’m taking the hours I could be working towards that career and am spending it waiting to be useful and able to make art again.
I feel like I’m flailing, without stability or foresight, I had no clue I’d be here a year ago and no idea where I am going. I want to spend each day working towards a greater purpose and am struggling to figure out how.
But that is my focus. And I have some new plans to come. One day at a time, right friends?
and a photo of the baby one because he's still the greatest.
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