It's Easier Balancing the Headstand

My health comes in waves.  With autoimmune, my symptoms and needs tend to shift dramatically every few months, affecting my sleep cycles, pain levels, ability to eat, to move, etc.  And despite diligently following the rituals of whatever the health god within me decides it wants that week, I’ve had a significant flare about once a year over the past four years.  And this is considered remission.

Now keep in mind, every body, even the ones with the same diseases, face different symptoms.  So for me, a flare means enough pain that I can’t eat, hospitalization until it’s “treated” and then leaving the hospital and feeling like a college graduate who’s supposed to be set to succeed but feels no different than the day before.

A.K.A. I’m not usually back to 100% for maybe…another year?

It’s a lot, but I do love my Crohn’s.  It forced me to become independent before I knew that was an option.  It’s how I have amazing friends that I’ll have for the rest of my life.  And it’s where I grew my empathy.  Thus I promise this isn’t a sympathy ploy.  I share these insights so you can begin to understand my excitement to be a little bit closer to being back on my feet.

And I’ve been doing yoga :)  I did dance as a kid, physical theatre in high school, circus in spurts throughout college…and I’m learning that expressing myself physically is how I tap into the essence of who I am.  Physical conformity, whether that’s constraining myself in a uniform, not being able stretch or move, just standing as a decaying tree…it’s my bird cage.  And I can only fly when I am present in my body.

Now physically, this isn’t something I can commit to.  This is like having a temporary gig that pays well and feeds you.  It’s wonderful but you know it will eventually end, so you eat up, get comfortable, but not complacent.  

And I do have to be careful not to overdo it.  Again, it’s not a set rule (because my body likes to change those just as I begin to figure them out…) but generally when I push myself, I tend to oversleep the next day by about six hours.  It’s like my body has a manual override.  This happened once from walking.

Yup.

So...with that in mind, to be able to have a morning routine.  To be active again, maybe ready to take a class with fewer rest breaks than I’ve been giving myself, even just to need to ten and not twelve hours of sleep a night…  I feel so much more more alive.

And while I hope it lasts, I focusing on enjoying every present moment.

(mandated yoga photo.; please note the irony of this being the image of being back on my feet)