Having to Let Go

Moving always sucks.  It's always stressful, something always breaks, when you're unpacking you always can't remember where you put at least a dozen things and never find them until they've become irrelevant, and, the hardest part, you have to say goodbye to a lot of things that matter.

I am someone who endows everything I own.
I did an acting exercise where we were to replicate our rooms in class and perform an every day activity in our space.
My teacher ridiculed me for having too many possessions that didn't matter.
I asked him to pick an object.  Any one.  I could tell him who bought it for me or how long it took me to save enough for it, why I so desperately need it, and how if it went missing, that I wouldn't be able to replace it.
Because of that, everything is precious.

And because I've at some point had so little; eating off of my one plate that a friend's roommate gave me, with my one fork that I stole for the dining hall, the pasta that I had to half-cook in the microwave because I couldn't afford a pot....it's so hard not to choose to leave those things behind.

What's more, I don't live by a Good Will or anything, and so I'm having to confront throwing away things that have been little luxuries, a chance to vacation in normal, something that someone somewhere needs and I just can't get it to them.

I tried leaving things outside of my apartment, hoping someone would take them home....and instead the building supervisor tossed them in the trash.
I feel like the biggest consumer.

So here's what I've gotta do: own less.
I love moving.
Not my stuff, but the experience.
I love change, new people, new friends, a new home.
A chance for a place to have everything that yesterday lacked.

And if I'm going to want to do this again, I can't keep these things.
I emotionally can't confront this year after year,
But I also don't need all those little luxuries then.
I'll borrow, and make my own as I make things work,
But if I want to be a nomad, I have to carry less too.

And perhaps as I whole, I'll feel freer and able to connect to what really matters.
Like a tree shedding it's leaves in the fall, and enduring the cold and empty winter because it knows that spring will come, when its leaves will return bringing hope with them.
I am excited for seasons; and inspire to let go.