(Almost Officially) Discharge! I'm Going Home.

And so my loves, here we are.

I am going home today and leaving the hospital.

I am not perfect; we don’t know how to fix me; we haven’t even completely relieved my pain.

But.

We have done all that we can here.   

An important friend of mine introduced me to the game Minecraft.  There isn’t necessarily a “correct” way to play the game, with a list of objectives, or a character insisting you follow them….instead you are just thrown into a world….and need to survive.  Or not survive.  You can play against zombies or with no risks at all.  It’s literally anything that you want it to be.  The only requirement is that you play.  And to “play” is follow whatever task you make for yourself.

I like mining for diamonds.  Sometimes this involves following danger to its lair; other times it includes intricate tunneling systems.  And sometimes it’s just luck.  You’ll be searching for some other simple necessity like coal: usually abundant, often connected in rich veins, ready to reap.  And you’ll happen to stumble upon a diamond.  Just sitting there.  Magical and smiling.

Discovering the source of my pain has been like searching for a diamond.  (Or maybe something rarer in Minecraft like an emerald….I don’t know how the statistics play out, but you get the concept.)

And my doctors and I have created intricate tunnels, trying to find this diamond of my pain.  We followed the forged paths to where we have seen diamonds before.  We have trailed danger, knowing that it is often the zombies protecting the treasures….and yet there we did not find the diamond causing my pain.

And so….we continue to play.

We can either change our objective to something easier instead of finding that very specific diamond….or , if it’s really, very important, -which this is to me- we continue our search, but in a new location. 

Because after spending twelve consistent days in the hospital, twenty total this month, looking everywhere for my diamond: I don’t think I am going to find it here.

So I am going to collect the tools that I have harvested while searching.  In Minecraft it’s things like iron and redstone.  In this case, it is my doctors and the medications they’ve recommended. And I will take those tools with me, and use them to further my search.

I will find the diamond that’s causing me so much discomfort that it’s forced me away from my friends, society and home for the last month.  But, like in the search for diamonds in Minecraft, sometimes you need to go rest in the safety and comfort of your home; let the zombies rule the night; and then go searching again when you are more comfortable in the daylight.  I miss my home.  My bed and my little patio.  And maybe the diamond will  be easier to find than I thought.  Maybe I’ll be out, Minecraft-metaphorically harvesting coal, and I’ll happen upon the diamond.  Just sitting there.  Magical and smiling. 

Who  knows?  Plus my co-excavators in this dig, the doctors, are happy with their redstone and iron and don’t want to find my diamond.  They are changing how they want to play; so I will find other diggers to help me.  There are always more people out there, and more tunnels to build in search of my diamond.

So I am going home today.  I am not perfect, not fixed, and still in pain.  But oh my goodness, I am so ready to search for my diamond somewhere else.  Because later today, I will go outside for the first time in 288 hours, and I will feel the sun on my face, no IV tethering me to a wall, and I will feel so free.  

Being here helped me, yes, but I’ve harvested all of the resources that I can.; now it’s  time to incorporate them back into the life that I love.  

And I can’t wait to share those new adventures with you.  So, a few deep breaths and papers to sign, and then here we go!