Some hospital insights

💆🏻Why being in the hospital alone is so tough:

Hi, so I'm back in the hospital. A lot of you know that I am here but not a lot of people know what it's really like. I wish I had the time to write out a humorous and factual diatribe of a day-in-the-life and yet I'm about to have a second IV shoved somewhere in my already bruised veins and so my communication is about to become near impossible. 

Which. Just for a moment, imagine a hot, fiery and fleeting idea, one causing you to foam at the mouth, it so desperately needs to escape your mind to find its purpose in the world......and not being able to tell anyone that desperate thing. It could be anything. That you feel pain. That you have an itch. That you would prefer to have a moment alone.  And you can't express it. 

Articulation is humanity's greatest luxury.  The last time I was in the hospital, couldn't speak and even now I'll have nightmares from the inability to advocate for myself when such a high level of self-protection is required. 

This hospital trip, fortunately I still have a voice, and even though these IVs limit my online voice, the articulation worth the pain. 

I've made spread charts and check lists for each day, outlining the symptoms the doctors will ask for, and what I as an involved and concerned patient am looking to get from each new day. 

This preparation has been invaluable, as the grogginess from the narcotics, impromptu pain naps, and overall exhaustion can make it very challenging to fight for each of those fiery bolts of health and knowledge. 

So yeah. I'm exhausted.  Afraid of all that I have to do, all that I do not know, all is what lies ahead. 

Except for one thing: my friends in my life. This has not been easy on a single one of them and yet amazing humans --some have known for six months, others practically my whole life-- these selfless creatures have been at my side in one capacity or another from the beginning of my flare and I would never be who I am nor have made it this far without them.

I anticipated the monopoly of this article would be placed in explaining how hard hospitals are. But interestingly enough, though this article found that objective, it ended instead on what truly weighs heavier in my heart: the love I have for those in my life. You all help me fight for me, my health, and what I think this world can be. 

Thank you.